My Continuing Pursuit of Happiness

As most of you know, I've been diligently spending the last year making positive changes in my life in order to be ready to take over the world mentally and physically when I turn 30.  I'm proud of my progress and dedication, and things are finally falling into place.  Why am I so proud?  Because I've never really taken the initiative to buckle down and make serious changes in my life.  I've always just let things run their course without making my own difference.  "Either you're a part of the problem or you're a part of the solution."  Well, this time I've decided to be a part of the solution and do everything in my power to change the things about myself and my life that I don't like.  This chapter has begun with a  new relationship, new mind, new job, and new body.  Let's do a quick recap of the chain reaction of events that have brought to where I am right now.

It truly all started the day I walked out of Buzzard's life and simultaneously banished him from mine last April.  That was one of the first steps I took to get my head clear.  I couldn't do it with a buzzard circling above me, waiting to prey on my fragile heart and soul, and now it's gone.  I stood by my guns and kept him at arms' length.  Today when I get a text from concerning anything other than a "Hey, how are you?" I don't even bother to respond.  I can honestly say I am finally free from the grasp of his talons.  Standing firm in my decision to not let him get to me anymore has opened my heart to accept love I know I deserve.  The other night Philip said the words I've been waiting to hear - "You've been the only one for a while now, and I'd like to keep it that way."  Well, damn, baby, so would I!  We are now exclusive and to quote 311 - my heart sings when I think of him.  I get a big goofy smile on my face when I think about being all his and he being all mine.  We are good for and good to each other.  I could go on but I won't bore you all with details.  Well, maybe in another post later.

I consciously made the decision to keep my outlook on life positive.  Sure, some days I still get down and the urge to stay in bed is strong, but I overcome it.  I realized, after years of suffering from anxiety and depression that my life is what I make of it and what I do with it.  Struggles still plague me every once in a while, but how I decide to handle them is more powerful than the effect they have on me.

My last job was making me miserable, so I buckled down, persevered, and now I have a great new job with a set schedule, benefits, and a 401K.  It's a job that challenges me in ways I have dearly missed, with a company I can see a future with.  The impact this positive change has had on me is incredible.  After the first week, Philip could already tell that my demeanor was happier and not as stressed out like he was used to.

I've made it a point to continue to get into better shape and eat healthier.  My body has changed drastically over the last four years and I want to keep it up - for myself and no one else.  I've been a dedicated member of a gym since last November and I make it a point to go, at the very least, three times a week.  I've been weight training and running between four and six miles on the elliptical and just recently started noticing the benefits - my arms and legs (and even my belly!)  are toning up and I'm not winded when I run up three flights of stairs.

Since I managed to get an exercise routine down, I took it to the next level and started counting calories.  I realized that was the only way I was going to learn to eat better and shed this belly of mine that makes me self conscious.  Let me tell you, it is not easy.  But it's easier than balancing a budget for sure.  I started using the LoseIt! app on my cell phone, logging everything I eat and any exercise I do each day.  The main benefit of this app is getting a visual of how good (or bad) the food and beverages I consume are for me.  I'm sticking to a 1400 calorie per day budget in order to drop 20 pounds by mid June.  Extreme?  A little.  But I have the mentality that I can do it.  Am I denying myself little pleasures like beer and chocolate?  Hell no.  I weighed myself yesterday and have lost 4 pounds since March 29th.

So this is where I am in my life right now and I wanted to share it with you.  After enduring nothing but pain and darkness for so long, I am closer to the light at the end of the tunnel than ever before.  I know my father is beaming down from Heaven with pride.