Gimme Some Sugar, Baby, Part V

While my emotions were still in a constant state of panic and uproar the year I broke up with my first love, I experienced the second one night stand that would change my world forever.  I was 24.  It was the beginning of a long, arduous journey of a torrid love affair, full of treachery, infidelity, sex and more sex, (yes, I'll admit it, some of the best sex I've ever had,) heartbreak, mind-fuckery and self-discovery.  If I had known that the first night I spent with this man would have shaped the woman I was to become three years later, would I still have done it?  At this moment, the answer is simply, "I don't know."

He taught me more than I'd like to admit, about specific kinds of sex, about life, about the importance of honesty, about myself.  He opened me up to entirely new worlds that I would not have discovered if it weren't for him, or I would have explored on my own and ended up hurt in more ways than I want to even think about.

To this day I am still attached to him, but on much less complicated terms.  It's not easy to cast him into the sea of forgotten lovers when we know each other's minds and bodies all too well.  When we know what makes each other tick.  When we know what to do to make each other come and just how to do it.  Right now I don't think I could even if I wanted to.

So we continue along as friends with benefits, sneaking around like we're in high school because of the drama that he seems to attract so well.  At the moment, he's the only guy I have on speed-dial, and I'd rather be sleeping with him than going out and looking for quick fixes that won't mean anything the next morning.