Yet I Still Love Him...

How the fuck am I supposed to resign myself to a life filled with boring partners?  I mean, let's face it - chances are a lot higher now than they've ever been that I'm not going to find someone who I feel like I could spend forever with.  He left me, remember?
So now what?  Settle for men who strive to be complicated when really their only problem is that they choose to not open their mouths and speak their mind because they are afraid of what others may think?  Settle for normalcy and complacency in this Godforsaken PC world?  Fuck that.  Give me blood, guts and chocolate cake.  I'm not going to settle.  I'd rather resign myself to a life of solitude than settle for something that doesn't get my blood pumping faster through my veins.
So what do I have to look forward to?  Reverting back to an endless stream of lovers that do not stimulate my mind, much less my body?  Men who figuratively - and sometimes literally just - "lay there?"  Because no one knows what the fuck they want anymore.  We put so much emphasis on this fact that it destroys us and the ones who love us.
It doesn't have to be this fucking hard.
The thought of returning to the world of an interesting mind yet a boring lover, or a boring mind yet an interesting lover?  Makes me want to puke.  I had the best of both worlds, I had paradise in my hands and then watched him reduce it to nothing but ashes.

As of yesterday, he and I have plans to see each other on Monday.  I don't know what's going to come of it, but from what I can tell, he's planning on us going to a mutual friend's New Year's Eve party together.  I could also be wrong about that.  Whatever the case, I'm bracing myself for the worst.