Leave It To Music To Soothe The Soul

I'm still coming down from my trip to New Orleans and let me tell you, the drop has been pretty brutal.  [I'm working on a recap post so stay tuned for that.]  In the months leading up to my trip, it was the One Big Thing I was looking forward to, and now that it's over, I need something else to Look Forward To, but I don't want to live my life that way.  I want to look forward to every new day.  I want to completely immerse myself in the present moment and squeeze every bit of joy possible out of it.  I see so many others capable of this, so why is it so hard for me?

We don't want to walk into the gray, solo rolling with no map in hand
so we reach out for someone to grasp, keep from sinking into the sand
Pick it up now brother help another pick it up
don't get stuck in the destruction looming near
pick it up now brother help another pick it up
This is the revelation of the year
Picking up all the pieces here and there to see if one might fit
Spinning them around and sideways and up and down it kinda stings a bit
Digging through all the ditches
Just unwinding all the stitches into thread then hang it out to dry so
what was I expecting just collecting balls of lint up in my head?
I know I know don't yell at me
- Revelation of the Year, 311

Right now, all that runs through my head has so much more to do with things other than Philip.  The constant struggle I feel is an existential reverberation of life.  I know it doesn't have to be that way so I need to make some choices to remedy this problem, because I'm missing out on so much.  You know how some people are functioning alcoholics?  Well, I'm a functioning depressive.  I get out of bed and go to work every day, I do laugh, I do smile, I do enjoy the blessings I'm lucky enough to have bestowed upon me.  But those demons are always in the back of my head waiting for a moment of weakness so they can attack.  Those moments come in the hour before daybreak when my brain hasn't fully woken up yet.  Sometimes they hit in the midst of reverie, but it's usually before the sun has come up that the waves of desolation sweep over me.
There are things I do have on my side - I have God, my family, my friends, and believe it or not, the music of 311.  Their new album has hit home.  The chatter going around social media is how personal the new songs are, and I'm right there in agreement.

Every time I think I've got it figured 
something bigger always jumps in the frame
something gets in the way
Now I'm ready to turn the page on yesterdays and forgive them
Now I'm ready to disengage to seize the day and move on.
-Boom Shanka

I'm getting better at reminding myself to
Try not to think too far ahead
The pendulum swings soon enough
We could stay on this side instead
But we wanna make it rough

But the kicker is teaching myself to
Journey in peace now
You don't have to be afraid
Though mistakes
they will be made
Journey in peace now my friend

No you can't go around it
You have to walk right through it
My father told me that so long ago
Every time that you ignore it
It gets a little more
You just have to walk toward 
The fear to go

Don't be afraid
it's all part of the plan for us
Don't be afraid
it's all part of the plan for us
All that you hold dear
is on the other side of that fear.