More Updates

• My Mama will never have to give up her home.  The black cloud that hung over this 4 bedroom colonial that she has made her home with her blood, sweat and tears, (a bit of mine as well,) is gone.

• Mine and Buzzard's relationship has reached some form of normalcy, if one can call it that.  He's been very supportive these past few months, letting me vent and cry to him about my Pop.  I've gotten over my disgust for the way things were going between us; it's almost like we've come to a truce.  I can text him in the middle of the night when I'm lying on the floor in tears, and I can text him at 9 in the morning if I'm horny and need cigarettes.  I still can't let myself fall like I did all those years ago, but right now, he's all I've got.  

• Drugstore Cowboy broke my fucking heart.  I think the worst part was the disappointment that came with it.  I put him on too high of a pedestal with expectations that he failed miserably to meet.  I fell under the spell of his cock and became addicted to the whatever drug it was that emanated from his skin.  I came to believe he was more of a man than he ended up being in the end.  It's his loss, right?  But fuck am I going to miss the late night rendezvous with him in my bed, his bed, someone else's bed, the swimming pool...fuck.

• My nephew is growing up so fast!  He's walking, forming words, and is an eating machine.  He has been the light of our lives, especially since losing Pop.

• Maybe I'm maturing, maybe I'm not, but the one night stands have considerably come to a halt, and I've even unconsciously cut off a few of the stand-bys, friends-with-benefits if you will.  I don't know why, maybe it's because I've become lazy, and if you can't be at my house within 20 minutes and vice versa, it's not worth it to me anymore.

So that's where I'm at right now.  Am I lonely?  Yes.  Am I in mourning?  Yes.  Am I learning new things about myself with every passing day?  Yes.  But look, here comes the sun, little darling...