He's got ulterior motives, and I knew this hadn't changed the second I looked at my phone the other night and saw that he was texting me.
Because, you see, I made the mistake of texting him on the way home from Baltimore the other night while I was still a shit-faced trainwreck. (Thank God Chrissy was driving.)
I hate you because I'm hearing songs that make me think about you and I'm drunk as fuck [sic].Oops. His first response, that came at 4:00 Sunday morning, was "You want my cock [sic]." Ugh. NO. That's not what I meant. But when I discovered on Saturday that I had made the awful mistake of drunk texting him, I knew that was how he was going to take it. I figured it best to just let it be. But he wasn't having that. So we spent all day Sunday afternoon going back and forth:
Him: You texted me the other night do you remember?
Me: Yea I found it the next day.
Him: What's up you ok
Me: I'm fine it was just a moment of weakness and lapse of judgement on my behalf.
(I was 4 Jagerbombs and 4 Bud Lights in at that point, remember.)
Him: Laps [sic] of judgement lol so professional.
Him: What are you doing
Me: Laying in bed.
Him: I'm lying on the couch playing with my cock
Him: R u asleep
Me: No sorry I'm on the other line with Tyler
(I was really talking to my friend, and I named him specifically because I can push Buzzard's buttons just by casually mentioning other males that I interact with, and Buzzard doesn't need to know that my friendship with Tyler is purely platonic.)
Him: Who's Tyler
(Exactly.)
Me: One of my friends
Him: U should cum suck my cock
Me: Really
Me: I want to hot tub
Him: It's not clean right now
Me: :(
Him: Sorry my cock could use you
Me: Where's [your girlfriend]?
Him: Home
Me: Why do you want me to suck your cock
Him: Cause you suck it so good
Me: Mhm
Him: I'm watching porn and rock hard
Me: What else is new
Him: Lol
Him: Do u still like eating cum?
(Seriously? I can't believe you're bringing this kind of shit up, you asshole. But what do I do? I play along, like an asshole.)
Me: You could say that
Him: Well if you hurry you can eat mine
(Ew.)
Me: I just rolled out of bed
It goes back and forth like this for a while, as I keep delaying it, hoping he'll just finish jerking off and stop asking me to come over. Because seriously, I was not going to get out of my pajamas just to go over there and suck his dick. I managed to throw it in his face, that I thought he might actually want to hang out as friends since we haven't seen each other in almost five months, and I received a real-time picture of his dick in response.
I attempted to clear some shit up though -
Me: I'd rather just hang out than suck your cock.
Him: Thats cool too, has to be between us
(??)
Him: Be a good little slut and drink me and go home
Me: (after seething for a good ten minutes) Good to know you still think so highly of me
Him: Of course I do, goes both ways right
(Yeah except if I actually did want to use you for sex, you wouldn't be able to get your dick hard because your emotion towards me is still frighteningly strong.)
Him: I don't think I can wait much longer
Me: I'm not sucking dick unless I get something in return and I still smell like strippers
(I did, I was at a strip club the night before getting wasted and throwing dollar bills at questionable dancers. Good times.)
Him: Lol. What do you want
Me: I dunno
Him: How about one day this week I do some really nasty shit to you, want to?
Me: (after more hesitation and deliberation) Sure what the hell.
He's breaking me down and he doesn't even know it. Or, he does and he doesn't give a shit. I don't know what the fuck I want, a friendship, a fuck-ship, or nothing at all. I spent five months realizing I could breathe again because he was no longer a part of my life. But I am the type of girl who will disregard everything I've told myself and plunge headfirst into a sea of regret.
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