We'll Call It A Hiccup

Okay so for a minute I thought the buzzard was trying to make his way back home.  I've determined that no, he isn't, and even if he was, there's no chance in hell I'd let him.  (The latter was always a definite.)  The other day we had breakfast and spent the entire afternoon together.  I had a hard time reading his thoughts or even his mood.  Still couldn't figure out what he wanted with me - if it was anything other than sex, which is always the case with him and something he wasn't going to get.
It's not always an easy lesson to learn that some things never change.  I ended up finding out a few days later what he was hiding from me, (I mean, it's not that hard - people talk,) and if I had known then what I know now, I never would have even given him the chance to be sitting across the table from me.
I wanted desperately to call him out on it in the meanest way possible.  But that's just not how I roll.  Instead, the other night, I went about it in a sneaky way, a way he would be responsive to.  Judging from our conversation, he confirmed the little tidbit that I already knew without coming out and saying it.  I've known the man for five years and his behavior has become pretty easy for me to predict.
Obviously this cycle seems never ending.  Whatever.  We all have our vices, and mine just happens to be a tattooed, middle aged, brick shithouse of a biker that found his way into my heart and doesn't seem to want to leave.
I realized something - he won't let me go.  I've let him go, I've walked away and stayed away.  He isn't capable of it.  He always comes back and I have no idea why.  If I l can eradicate him from my life and move on, why can't he?  I'll never know the answer because he won't come out and tell me what it is about me that keeps him holding on.  I mean, come on, it's not like I'm the best lover he's ever had, or even the prettiest one....well, maybe the prettiest...but that's no reason to hold on to something.  He won't give me the satisfaction of hearing what every girl wants to hear, the satisfaction of hearing the reasons why he can't let go, something along the lines of "I love you, I can't get you out of my head, you made my life better, you're beautiful, I'm addicted to you, you make me feel safe, I love your company, etc."  That kind of shit is too hard for him to say out loud.
Regardless, I erased the text messages and phone calls from the past few weeks.  Don't try to come back into my life only to have me discover you kicked one psycho out of your house and promptly let another one move in.  You really think I'm that stupid?  No wonder he didn't want to go home after breakfast that day.  If I had some piece of trash taking advantage of me and living in my home with her deadbeat son, I wouldn't want to go back there either.  All of those adages are applicable here - don't shit where you eat, you made your bed, now you have to lie in it...on and on.
I never put his number back into my contacts and it's not memorized.  (Thank goodness for these days of not having to memorize them because of the convenience of cell phones.)  So we'll call it a hiccup.  They happen, it's all in how we handle them, and this time I'm patting myself on the back for doing such a good job.