Okay, so I tend to blow things out of proportion. We all do, don't we? I don't know why I'm struggling with insecurity issues when it comes to my relationship, or why I can't just let it be and accept the fact that someone outside of my family actually cares about me.
About 2 or 3 weeks ago my PMS had seemingly gotten out of control. As much as I hate to return to the cliche, I can't help but point out that when I'm down on myself, when I'm bitchy and snap and everyone, when I want to crawl into a hole and die just so happens to be when my uterus is doing it's monthly thing.
Wednesday of that particular week I had the day off and the weather was gorgeous. I spent all day outside, working on the pool & the yard, then laying by said pool even though it isn't swimmable yet. Then my brain decided to get the best of me. I started dwelling on why my boyfriend had abruptly cut off the texting the night before. I started dwelling on the fact that I am almost 30 and I still live at home. I started seriously wondering if I had made the right decision to leave my old job and start a new one in a completely different field. Dwelling on financial struggle. I was missing my dad, and my brother, who has been working down in Rehoboth for the past month or so and I don't get to see as much as I used to, (even though I know it's temporary.) Waves of emotion just kept crashing down on me and I couldn't control them.
When this happens I ask myself, "Why?" I have come so far in making positive changes to my life, so why do I still get incredibly down in the dumps? For a split second I considered asking my doctor about going back on antidepressants. But I don't want to travel down that road again. I'd rather exercise a positive mind set without the aid of prescription medicine. I'd rather stand up and say that I refuse to let depression get the best of me.
Why do I have so much trouble reminding myself to sit back and take serious inventory of all the good in my life and dwell on that instead of the negatives? I'm in constant search of the answer.
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Life experiences, opinions, snippets and glimpses into the mind of a twenty-something still trying to find her place in the world. If I actually had a point, I'd say it plain.
About Me
- Dana
- Photographer, aspiring writer, living the rock star life on a blue collar budget. I write about whatever moves me - my family, my love life, drinking and music. Seriously, I can't make this shit up.
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