The mornings have turned
chilly waking up
to goosebumps so soon
getting out of bed
can be unpleasant
On the sunny days
sky is crystal blue
instead of hazy
But it is now time
to put away the
flipflops bathing suits
short shorts and tank tops
Friends With Benefits - A Love Story
I've got a very close friend who's been around for about four years now and we've been spending a lot more time together over the past several months. It started out strictly as a use-and-be-used kind of arrangement, but it's no longer like that. We have what one could easily call the perfect Friends With Benefits relationship. Not only do we have mind-bowing sex, we care about each other and we do things together. We go out to eat, to clubs and bars, we do weekends at the beach, we talk at least once a day, watch movies or TV together, he'll come swimming if he has the day off. We feel safe emotionally with each other. Most FWB relationships I've had dwindled solely to "benefits," minus a friendship. This guy and I have a pretty good - excellent in fact - idea of how our chemistry works, physically and emotionally. We've been sleeping together for so long that almost nothing is off-limits.
One of the extra benefits of our relationship is that we can be completely open and honest with each other without fear of judgement or hurtful criticism. I know he still has hang ups about his ex, and he knows just about the entire Buzzard saga.
I stay at his house now whenever I have work in the area. He bought me a box of Splenda for my coffee and a glass jar to keep it in, I now have a toothbrush and washcloth there and his dog is accustomed to me being around. I also stay over at least one night during the weekend and we go out or stay in and watch a movie. Did I mention how good the sex is? There's something about it that just...works. I know what drives him crazy and he knows just what buttons to push to send me over the edge.
We're in a relationship but we're not. I've decided to not over analyze anything, because there's no need to. If I need to know something I can always ask him, and sometimes I don't even have to do that.
The other night I received this text -
"Hey I just wanted to tell you that I really do like when you stay over with me. It may be a little selfish of me, but when you're here you take away some of the loneliness that I feel. I'm sorry I'm so...detached. I am trying to get through it though. Thank you :) Xoxo"
So I responded -
"You don't have to apologize to me, I know you're trying to get through it so that's why I'm not on your ass about it. I feel the same way about the loneliness too, so don't think you're being selfish. It's fun when we play house."
Him -
"I just want you to feel comfortable when you're here. Thank you. I like that you're able to sit and do your thing while I do mine. It's a simple thing I know but it's still pretty cool."
Me -
"I do, believe me. That day you told me that when I'm around you feel like you can relax, it made me feel good. That's something I want people I care about to always feel when they're with me."
The talk then shifted to my work schedule for the upcoming week and of course, sex. But seriously, how awesome is it that we have this kind of relationship? Have you ever been lucky enough to have something like this? Do you know anyone who does?
Whether or not I'm a part of his distant future and/or he's a part of mine is a moot point. Same with whether or not he starts seeing someone or I do. We don't worry about it. We've been through all of that before and still came out unscathed.
Really, it's a beautiful thing. I'm thinking about asking him to collaborate with me on a future post - How To Achieve an Easy, Uncomplicated, No-Strings-Attached Relationship (And No One Gets Hurt.) Or something like that. So keep an eye out for it, because if you come to a point in your life where you decide you have had enough drama and just want to enjoy the company of someone who doesn't give you any bullshit, but gives you incredible orgasms, then it might be worth reading.
One of the extra benefits of our relationship is that we can be completely open and honest with each other without fear of judgement or hurtful criticism. I know he still has hang ups about his ex, and he knows just about the entire Buzzard saga.
I stay at his house now whenever I have work in the area. He bought me a box of Splenda for my coffee and a glass jar to keep it in, I now have a toothbrush and washcloth there and his dog is accustomed to me being around. I also stay over at least one night during the weekend and we go out or stay in and watch a movie. Did I mention how good the sex is? There's something about it that just...works. I know what drives him crazy and he knows just what buttons to push to send me over the edge.
We're in a relationship but we're not. I've decided to not over analyze anything, because there's no need to. If I need to know something I can always ask him, and sometimes I don't even have to do that.
The other night I received this text -
"Hey I just wanted to tell you that I really do like when you stay over with me. It may be a little selfish of me, but when you're here you take away some of the loneliness that I feel. I'm sorry I'm so...detached. I am trying to get through it though. Thank you :) Xoxo"
So I responded -
"You don't have to apologize to me, I know you're trying to get through it so that's why I'm not on your ass about it. I feel the same way about the loneliness too, so don't think you're being selfish. It's fun when we play house."
Him -
"I just want you to feel comfortable when you're here. Thank you. I like that you're able to sit and do your thing while I do mine. It's a simple thing I know but it's still pretty cool."
Me -
"I do, believe me. That day you told me that when I'm around you feel like you can relax, it made me feel good. That's something I want people I care about to always feel when they're with me."
The talk then shifted to my work schedule for the upcoming week and of course, sex. But seriously, how awesome is it that we have this kind of relationship? Have you ever been lucky enough to have something like this? Do you know anyone who does?
Whether or not I'm a part of his distant future and/or he's a part of mine is a moot point. Same with whether or not he starts seeing someone or I do. We don't worry about it. We've been through all of that before and still came out unscathed.
Really, it's a beautiful thing. I'm thinking about asking him to collaborate with me on a future post - How To Achieve an Easy, Uncomplicated, No-Strings-Attached Relationship (And No One Gets Hurt.) Or something like that. So keep an eye out for it, because if you come to a point in your life where you decide you have had enough drama and just want to enjoy the company of someone who doesn't give you any bullshit, but gives you incredible orgasms, then it might be worth reading.
Labor Day Weekend - Drunk and Bittersweet
It was a weekend spent rallying one last time before the cold weather sets in and the bathing suits get packed away with the winter clothes.
"Hey, I'm star-6-9-ing my buzz. You know, the one I've had since June."
"Yeah, I really need to star-6-9 my tan before summer is officially over."
"If you see him tonight are you going to suggest star-6-9-ing what you guys did last night?"
My brother called me while I was still working Friday afternoon to announce that he was going to Dewey for the night after the fucked up week he had at work and I was thrilled. We hadn't been in Dewey together since my nephew was born, maybe even before that.
We partied hard Friday night with our uncle and various other friends and relatives we ran into along our travels up and down Route 1 - Starboard, Lighthouse, Northbeach...eventually ending up at McShea's for last call and of course getting a pizza from Grotto's on our way back to the house.
"Dane, you sleep like you're dead. I almost put my finger under your nose to make sure you were still breathing."
The weather, along with my hangover, Saturday wasn't exactly cooperative; the sun didn't come out until around 3 pm and by then my headache was finally starting to fade. I spent some time on the beach in solitude, reading and reveling in the feeling of sand between my toes.
Saturday night was spent with a bunch of the Weekenders, and I ended up going home with someone completely unexpected. Nothing like doing your first legitimate walk of shame on the last Sunday morning of the summer. I tried to be slick and take the back way home, through the alley behind the Bottle & Cork, down back streets through the clusters of beach condos and driveways, avoiding Route 1 and figuring no one I knew would see me. I was quite mistaken.
"Helloooo...hey! Girl in the green!"
I looked up to see one of my aunt and uncle's good friends, a guy who has also known me for over 10 years, and known the guy I went home with for probably over 30, standing on the balcony of one of the beach condos. Busted. He's grinning and asking me where I'm coming from. I mentally ran through the list of people who could have seen me leave with said cause of my little shame-walk and decided he wasn't among them, so I lied through my teeth. I couldn't make this shit up if I tried.
My dearest friend came down that day, someone else I haven't been in Dewey with in a very long time, and we spent the day on the beach reminiscing about old times - baby sitting my younger cousins and my aunt and uncle teaching us most of what we know today. We did two happy hours, one at Northbeach and then of course headed over to the Bottle & Cork for the last Jam Session of the year. I believe we had dinner and then cleaned ourselves up to go back out and do it all over again that night.
Dewey Beach is nonstop. You can either hang tough or go home. I love it, but there's a reason I only do weekends in the summer. It's best to take it in small doses, otherwise I think my liver would just quit on me. So now summer is over, everyone has gone back home and all we can do is look forward to next year.
"Hey, I'm star-6-9-ing my buzz. You know, the one I've had since June."
"Yeah, I really need to star-6-9 my tan before summer is officially over."
"If you see him tonight are you going to suggest star-6-9-ing what you guys did last night?"
My brother called me while I was still working Friday afternoon to announce that he was going to Dewey for the night after the fucked up week he had at work and I was thrilled. We hadn't been in Dewey together since my nephew was born, maybe even before that.
We partied hard Friday night with our uncle and various other friends and relatives we ran into along our travels up and down Route 1 - Starboard, Lighthouse, Northbeach...eventually ending up at McShea's for last call and of course getting a pizza from Grotto's on our way back to the house.
"Dane, you sleep like you're dead. I almost put my finger under your nose to make sure you were still breathing."
The weather, along with my hangover, Saturday wasn't exactly cooperative; the sun didn't come out until around 3 pm and by then my headache was finally starting to fade. I spent some time on the beach in solitude, reading and reveling in the feeling of sand between my toes.
Saturday night was spent with a bunch of the Weekenders, and I ended up going home with someone completely unexpected. Nothing like doing your first legitimate walk of shame on the last Sunday morning of the summer. I tried to be slick and take the back way home, through the alley behind the Bottle & Cork, down back streets through the clusters of beach condos and driveways, avoiding Route 1 and figuring no one I knew would see me. I was quite mistaken.
"Helloooo...hey! Girl in the green!"
I looked up to see one of my aunt and uncle's good friends, a guy who has also known me for over 10 years, and known the guy I went home with for probably over 30, standing on the balcony of one of the beach condos. Busted. He's grinning and asking me where I'm coming from. I mentally ran through the list of people who could have seen me leave with said cause of my little shame-walk and decided he wasn't among them, so I lied through my teeth. I couldn't make this shit up if I tried.
My dearest friend came down that day, someone else I haven't been in Dewey with in a very long time, and we spent the day on the beach reminiscing about old times - baby sitting my younger cousins and my aunt and uncle teaching us most of what we know today. We did two happy hours, one at Northbeach and then of course headed over to the Bottle & Cork for the last Jam Session of the year. I believe we had dinner and then cleaned ourselves up to go back out and do it all over again that night.
 |
| This girl has been my lifeline. Plus, she knows too much. |
 |
| The blue moon, the Starboard shark, and myself. Life couldn't get any better. |
Go Ahead, Make A Bad Decision
I've kept close tabs on this band since 2009, when I saw them open for Motley Crue on the Saints of Los Angeles tour, and have even been lucky enough to hang out with them a few times. All I can say is theirs is the kind of rock & roll this world needs more of. They offer up a heavy combination of glam, sleaze and metal, along with a stage presence that oozes sex. While you can pick up on their old-school rock influences, the music is a breath of fresh air compared to today's mainstream garbage that is over processed, over tweaked and over auto-tuned to the point where it can hardly be defined as music by the time it hits the listeners' ears. The Last Vegas knows what true rock is all about and have a damn good time spreading the word.
 |
| The boys at Rebel Rock Bar in Philly, August 24th, 2012. |
So while you're having fun making a few Bad Decisions, I highly suggest picking up...whatever else you can get your hands on by this smokin' hot band, most of which is available on iTunes. You won't be disappointed, I promise.
Follow The Last Vegas on Twitter here.
Like them on Facebook here.
September Free Styling, #2
Contemplating my money situation
Pitiful yet again
Living like a fucking rockstar
with four dollars in my pocket
I'm told everything
comes full circle
But I'm getting sick of this
emotional un-availability bullshit
I hear rain on the roof outside
and my car windows are down
I'll put them up when I
finish this cigarette
Exhausted but it's okay
to be content
Spiderwebs and Kona coffee
Leopard print fingernails
and nonstop camera flashes
Summertime is winding down.
Motorcycle rides
through Lancaster County
Around the bends he puts
his hand on my leg
and I know I am safe
Late August and the days
are getting shorter
The moon is getting fuller
It's back to the grind now.
Pitiful yet again
Living like a fucking rockstar
with four dollars in my pocket
I'm told everything
comes full circle
But I'm getting sick of this
emotional un-availability bullshit
I hear rain on the roof outside
and my car windows are down
I'll put them up when I
finish this cigarette
Exhausted but it's okay
to be content
Spiderwebs and Kona coffee
Leopard print fingernails
and nonstop camera flashes
Summertime is winding down.
Motorcycle rides
through Lancaster County
Around the bends he puts
his hand on my leg
and I know I am safe
Late August and the days
are getting shorter
The moon is getting fuller
It's back to the grind now.
Emotional Unavailability Is Bullshit
I don't get it and I never will, I know that much. My life has become significantly less complicated since I've whittled down the number of lovers I have at any given time to a very, very small one. But that's not to say the ones I keep close don't throw me into a spin every once in a while. I've been played the "emotionally unavailable" card 4 times in the past year, and I just don't get it. I'm actually starting to think it's a cop out. It's easier than saying, I like you, but not enough to pursue something more significant with you.
The first time I was handed this line, I accepted it without too much hesitation, although I was somewhat devastated upon hearing it. Okay, you've got a lot of shit floating around in your head, I understand where you're coming from. I really can't blame you, thanks for your honesty.
The second time it came from the infamous Buzzard. Yeah, yeah, fuck you and your "issues." You figured it would just be easier to tell me that you were unable to give me what I needed out of a relationship as opposed to flat-out saying, "I don't want a girlfriend, I just want to fuck bitches." Because honestly honey, everybody knows at this point that that's all you care about. You don't have "issues," you're just a sleazy old man now that eventually no woman is going to want. Especially once your prick falls off.
The third time I got the line, I hadn't expected to feel the way I was starting to about the other person involved. We started out as casual lovers, and things escalated as we started spending more time together. I liked how he made me feel, how much fun we had together, and his happy-go-lucky approach to life. He was very attentive to my needs, respectful and honest with me. So I laid it out on the table for him, prepared for whatever he handed back to me. And of course, it was the same spiel. Okay, I understand work is kicking your ass and owning a business can stress you out to the max. Yes, it sucks that the last relationship you were in ended badly, but so did mine. It hasn't stopped me from being receptive when something better comes my way. But if you claim you like being with me, we can't deny how mind-blowing the sex is and that we both feel at ease with each other, yet you can't make room for me in your life, then there's nothing I can do about it. Thanks for your honesty. Time for me to move on.
The fourth time I heard this line, I was actually a little surprised. It came up in casual conversation, not in terms of, "This is what I want and this is what I think it should be," when referring to a relationship. I may feel as though I've been a little misled, but I'm not hurt, nor have I ever been hurt by this person. I looked straight at him and replied, "If I made myself emotionally unavailable, if I put up a wall and refused to ever let anyone in at all, I'd miss out on so much. Yes, it's risky, but my life has been enriched by the relationships I've had." I personally think you need to move on because you deserve better. I don't like the way she hurt you and I don't think you have any valid reasons for wanting her back other than the fact that you grew accustomed to her being around. I don't expect you to move right on to me, you need to do it for yourself. Whether or not I fit into your future is a moot point.
Maybe I feel this way because when my last full-blown, intent-to-marry, relationship ended, I was the one who dealt it the final blow. I made the decision to end it, I dropped the bomb and literally ran the other way. I cut off all communication, I didn't want anything from him, I left all kinds of shit at his house, which was returned to me one way or another through mutual friends without ever having to see each other face to face. I knew it was the only way.
These people who keep going back to the scene of the crime make me sick. No wonder you're miserable. No wonder you're cynical. No wonder you come to believe you are "emotionally unavailable." If my ex was able to rebuild the shambles I left his life in, then you can too. If I was able to walk away from Buzzard, then you can walk away from the person who poisons your very soul.
Fuck this being emotionally unavailable. I'm here to love everyone who crosses my path at different times, or all at the same time, what's it matter? These four specific experiences have only made me stronger and more aware of what it is I want out of life and out of love. To break it down,
The first time I was handed this line, I accepted it without too much hesitation, although I was somewhat devastated upon hearing it. Okay, you've got a lot of shit floating around in your head, I understand where you're coming from. I really can't blame you, thanks for your honesty.
The second time it came from the infamous Buzzard. Yeah, yeah, fuck you and your "issues." You figured it would just be easier to tell me that you were unable to give me what I needed out of a relationship as opposed to flat-out saying, "I don't want a girlfriend, I just want to fuck bitches." Because honestly honey, everybody knows at this point that that's all you care about. You don't have "issues," you're just a sleazy old man now that eventually no woman is going to want. Especially once your prick falls off.
The third time I got the line, I hadn't expected to feel the way I was starting to about the other person involved. We started out as casual lovers, and things escalated as we started spending more time together. I liked how he made me feel, how much fun we had together, and his happy-go-lucky approach to life. He was very attentive to my needs, respectful and honest with me. So I laid it out on the table for him, prepared for whatever he handed back to me. And of course, it was the same spiel. Okay, I understand work is kicking your ass and owning a business can stress you out to the max. Yes, it sucks that the last relationship you were in ended badly, but so did mine. It hasn't stopped me from being receptive when something better comes my way. But if you claim you like being with me, we can't deny how mind-blowing the sex is and that we both feel at ease with each other, yet you can't make room for me in your life, then there's nothing I can do about it. Thanks for your honesty. Time for me to move on.
The fourth time I heard this line, I was actually a little surprised. It came up in casual conversation, not in terms of, "This is what I want and this is what I think it should be," when referring to a relationship. I may feel as though I've been a little misled, but I'm not hurt, nor have I ever been hurt by this person. I looked straight at him and replied, "If I made myself emotionally unavailable, if I put up a wall and refused to ever let anyone in at all, I'd miss out on so much. Yes, it's risky, but my life has been enriched by the relationships I've had." I personally think you need to move on because you deserve better. I don't like the way she hurt you and I don't think you have any valid reasons for wanting her back other than the fact that you grew accustomed to her being around. I don't expect you to move right on to me, you need to do it for yourself. Whether or not I fit into your future is a moot point.
Maybe I feel this way because when my last full-blown, intent-to-marry, relationship ended, I was the one who dealt it the final blow. I made the decision to end it, I dropped the bomb and literally ran the other way. I cut off all communication, I didn't want anything from him, I left all kinds of shit at his house, which was returned to me one way or another through mutual friends without ever having to see each other face to face. I knew it was the only way.
These people who keep going back to the scene of the crime make me sick. No wonder you're miserable. No wonder you're cynical. No wonder you come to believe you are "emotionally unavailable." If my ex was able to rebuild the shambles I left his life in, then you can too. If I was able to walk away from Buzzard, then you can walk away from the person who poisons your very soul.
Fuck this being emotionally unavailable. I'm here to love everyone who crosses my path at different times, or all at the same time, what's it matter? These four specific experiences have only made me stronger and more aware of what it is I want out of life and out of love. To break it down,
- If I had put my guard up after I left my ex, I would have never started down the path of self discovery.
- If I hadn't gone through every bit of emotional trauma caused by Buzzard, I wouldn't be nearly as strong as I am today. I still wouldn't know that I deserve to be treated with respect, and telling Buzzard to fuck off was how I learned it.
- I know now that it's not the end of the world if a partner doesn't feel the same way I do. I've learned acceptance, and also that I can't control another human being's emotions. If they don't want the same things, then it's time to move on.
- It's all about balance. When my fourth experience with the E-U card came, I pretty much blew it off. I was only able to do so because the relationship I have with this person is something of an anomaly. We are equal parts friends and lovers, cut and dry. There's no using or being used because we both genuinely care about each other and have for a long time.
September Free Styling, #1
Strolling the boardwalk like
we're back in high school
Amazing how much things
have changed since
I became legal
Gaping at the epitome
of Overweight America
Everyone on a cell phone
Come on, we're going through
the Haunted House
I want to be like the cute old couple
camped out in the sand
just a few feet away
We're talking about food
We're talking about sex
the sex we have
free and uninhibited
Pass the Magic Hat please
A beach town I knew existed
but never actually saw
up until now
We have breakfast at noon
after sleepy-eyed lovemaking
I wore my red bikini for you.
we're back in high school
Amazing how much things
have changed since
I became legal
Gaping at the epitome
of Overweight America
Everyone on a cell phone
Come on, we're going through
the Haunted House
I want to be like the cute old couple
camped out in the sand
just a few feet away
We're talking about food
We're talking about sex
the sex we have
free and uninhibited
Pass the Magic Hat please
A beach town I knew existed
but never actually saw
up until now
We have breakfast at noon
after sleepy-eyed lovemaking
I wore my red bikini for you.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
