Memorial Day Weekend 2014

"I think the guy broke my tooth."
"Really, sweetheart, you'd drink your own piss?"
"I would!  It could save your life!"
"We're in Dewey Beach, not on survivor."
"Yeah so the guy's passed out right where the dog takes her shits and he's got a turd stuck to his face."
"Why would you walk around wearing a shirt that says "I Heart BJs?"  I mean, you don't see me walking around in a shirt that says "I Heart Sitting On Your Face."  I think it's implied."
"My worlds are colliding!"  
"See?!  I have friends!  They've got my back!"

"I have decided that my future kids will attend Notre Dame."
"You just flashed me your kitty."
"This doesn't suck."
"Ugh, why did I just post a picture of Bruce the Shark on Philip's Facebook wall?"
"Yeah, I'm a pretty hostile sleeper, sorry about that."
"He just let me grope his junk."
"The devil landed Friday at sunset."
"Look, the people in line are getting pissed that Poppa's making our pizza while we're standing here in the kitchen."

"Girls, girls.  Don't waste your time with boys right now because they have no idea what they're doing.  It gets better, trust me.  It gets wayyyyy better."






I carried the thought that the reason we all are blessed enough to have been there that weekend was only because of the brave men and women who have fought for our country.  Among the camaraderie and the American flags flying high everywhere you looked, there was the somber moment when I got the opportunity to shake the hand of an active member of the United States Army in the middle of the Starboard on Memorial Day.
"This is my friend who got home in February from his second tour in the Middle East."
"Thank you for serving our country."

311 Day 2014

How does one describe one of the best experiences of their lives?
My brother and I just got back from four days in New Orleans where we did nothing but celebrate peace, love, unity and beers the size of our heads.  Thousands of 311 fans from every state in the US and something like 18 different countries descended on the town for the infamous 311 Day festivities and friendships were forged between members of the 311 Familia that will last a lifetime.  The best part was that my brother had the opportunity to experience it as well.
We landed late that Sunday morning, dropped our bags off at the hotel on St.  Charles Avenue, and walked about three blocks to what was to become our favorite day time bar, a place called Lucky's where you could have a drink, grab something to eat or do your laundry.  (A brilliant concept in my opinion.)  From there we walked around the town, killing time before we could check into our hotel, then stopped for beer and some amazing fish tacos at a place appropriately called Beer and Tacos.

My brother and I on Bourbon Street.

Once we sated our appetites, we got cleaned up and took the trolley halfway across town to meet up with my cruise buddies at the house they were staying in.  How awesome it was to be reunited with the people I shared yet another amazing experience - the 311 cruise last year - with.  We then headed to Bourbon Street and partied the night away.
It's really hard to describe the feeling of elation as you walk through the streets of an amazing town, waving at, saluting, and exchanging a "Happy 311 Day!" with complete strangers.  It kind of reminds you that there is still good in this world.  The fact that five guys from Omaha have put their heart and soul for the past twenty years into creating music that spreads the message of peace, love and unity just blows my mind.  And they're not finished yet.

Hammie and I with my cruise buds.

We must have waited in line to check out the merchandise for four or five hours on that Monday, but did we
really care?  No, because we were with like minded folks.  When drinks needed refilling someone would volunteer to step into the nearest bar.  When someone needed something to eat, another would accompany them to the nearest eatery to satisfy their hunger.  We laughed, we got to know total strangers, and had a damn good time.  We met people from all over the country - it was basically a giant tailgate minus the cars.
Bourbon Street was in a constant state of "Stay positive and love your life!" during our time there.  You could hear 311's music being cranked out of every bar you walked by - to me, that's a little slice of heaven.
Why?  You may ask.  What's so special about this silly band?  I can't really explain.  It's a passion for most of us.  Some get it, some don't.  Everyone who knows me says they think of me whenever they hear 311 on the radio.  Just last night Philip texted me to tell me that he was thinking of me while shooting pool and so he played Don't Stay Home on the bar's jukebox.

Homemade shirts are the way to go.

The concert at the New Orleans Arena on March 11 was nothing short of extraordinary.  The band played three sets totaling five hours and 66 songs, at times accompanied by either native jazz musicians or a small orchestra.  I don't know of many artists that do that for their fans anymore.
I plan on keeping this experience I was blessed enough to have tucked deep inside my heart for the rest of my life, and look forward to many more like it....I should probably open up a new savings account titled "The 311 Experience," being as that I will be on the boat again come 2015.    

My Continuing Pursuit of Happiness

As most of you know, I've been diligently spending the last year making positive changes in my life in order to be ready to take over the world mentally and physically when I turn 30.  I'm proud of my progress and dedication, and things are finally falling into place.  Why am I so proud?  Because I've never really taken the initiative to buckle down and make serious changes in my life.  I've always just let things run their course without making my own difference.  "Either you're a part of the problem or you're a part of the solution."  Well, this time I've decided to be a part of the solution and do everything in my power to change the things about myself and my life that I don't like.  This chapter has begun with a  new relationship, new mind, new job, and new body.  Let's do a quick recap of the chain reaction of events that have brought to where I am right now.

It truly all started the day I walked out of Buzzard's life and simultaneously banished him from mine last April.  That was one of the first steps I took to get my head clear.  I couldn't do it with a buzzard circling above me, waiting to prey on my fragile heart and soul, and now it's gone.  I stood by my guns and kept him at arms' length.  Today when I get a text from concerning anything other than a "Hey, how are you?" I don't even bother to respond.  I can honestly say I am finally free from the grasp of his talons.  Standing firm in my decision to not let him get to me anymore has opened my heart to accept love I know I deserve.  The other night Philip said the words I've been waiting to hear - "You've been the only one for a while now, and I'd like to keep it that way."  Well, damn, baby, so would I!  We are now exclusive and to quote 311 - my heart sings when I think of him.  I get a big goofy smile on my face when I think about being all his and he being all mine.  We are good for and good to each other.  I could go on but I won't bore you all with details.  Well, maybe in another post later.

I consciously made the decision to keep my outlook on life positive.  Sure, some days I still get down and the urge to stay in bed is strong, but I overcome it.  I realized, after years of suffering from anxiety and depression that my life is what I make of it and what I do with it.  Struggles still plague me every once in a while, but how I decide to handle them is more powerful than the effect they have on me.

My last job was making me miserable, so I buckled down, persevered, and now I have a great new job with a set schedule, benefits, and a 401K.  It's a job that challenges me in ways I have dearly missed, with a company I can see a future with.  The impact this positive change has had on me is incredible.  After the first week, Philip could already tell that my demeanor was happier and not as stressed out like he was used to.

I've made it a point to continue to get into better shape and eat healthier.  My body has changed drastically over the last four years and I want to keep it up - for myself and no one else.  I've been a dedicated member of a gym since last November and I make it a point to go, at the very least, three times a week.  I've been weight training and running between four and six miles on the elliptical and just recently started noticing the benefits - my arms and legs (and even my belly!)  are toning up and I'm not winded when I run up three flights of stairs.

Since I managed to get an exercise routine down, I took it to the next level and started counting calories.  I realized that was the only way I was going to learn to eat better and shed this belly of mine that makes me self conscious.  Let me tell you, it is not easy.  But it's easier than balancing a budget for sure.  I started using the LoseIt! app on my cell phone, logging everything I eat and any exercise I do each day.  The main benefit of this app is getting a visual of how good (or bad) the food and beverages I consume are for me.  I'm sticking to a 1400 calorie per day budget in order to drop 20 pounds by mid June.  Extreme?  A little.  But I have the mentality that I can do it.  Am I denying myself little pleasures like beer and chocolate?  Hell no.  I weighed myself yesterday and have lost 4 pounds since March 29th.

So this is where I am in my life right now and I wanted to share it with you.  After enduring nothing but pain and darkness for so long, I am closer to the light at the end of the tunnel than ever before.  I know my father is beaming down from Heaven with pride.  

It's March Already?

We are about 3 and a half months into 2013 and what a year it's been already.  I'm feeling the need to do a quick recap so let's run down the list.

• I have embarked on a new career.
  Monday I started my new job.  So far so good.  I'm catching on quickly and the boss said I did an excellent job my first day and it proved he made a good decision when he hired me.  (Yes, I "squee'd" inside when he told me that.)  You all know I had been incredibly frustrated with my career as a photographer and needed a change, and it's finally beginning.  (See Perseverance Pays Off - 2/19/13.) 
• I went skiing for the first time in almost 15 years.
  Philip and his friends took me to the Poconos on February 24th and it was the perfect way to pay  tribute to my father.  He and my mother taught my brother and I to ski when we were little and it was a passion we shared as a family.
• Two years have gone by since my father passed away.
  I can't believe it's been this long.  Like my mother said, time does not heal, it just forces us to adapt, and we are still adapting to life without Pop around.
• We had the 2nd annual Mid Winter Classic in Ocean City, NJ.
  Last year my brother and sister in law started a new tradition, weekend-ing in Ocean City during the month of February because, well, there's not much to do between Christmas and Memorial Day.  It started out as a sort of reunion for the bridal party from their wedding and has evolved (or de-volved,) to include other friends and family members.  We average about 14 people crammed into my sister in law's parents' beach house - Friday night staying in drinking and playing games; Saturday night we venture into Atlantic City for a night of dancing and/or gambling.  Philip came with me this year and let's just say a great time was had by all.
• I had the opportunity to be a part of the 311 Caribbean Cruise 2013.
  I barely have the words to describe the sheer awesome-ness of this experience still, and I've been back from Miami since last week.  I will detail this adventure in a post all its own.
• My relationship with Philip has been tested and I'm pretty sure we passed with flying colors.
  We are still moving along, doing our thing with no real definition.  I was planning on laying it on the line for him when I got back from the cruise, but a big part of me is hesitant to mess with a good thing.  Not being too concerned about it is a big thing for me, it is what it is and I can say with confidence that we both know where it's headed, and I'm content.

So yeah.  That's about it right now.  I have to go get ready to leave for work at my new big girl job.

11 Days and Counting

It's official kids - I AM GOING ON THE 311 CRUISE.  What is this, you ask?  Only the most exciting thing to happen to me since the birth of my nephew.  My most favorite band on this planet hosts a 4 day cruise in the Bahamas, complete with concerts, parties, events, and performances by several other artists.  It's a 4 day party with the greatest fans in the world, and I am going to be right in the middle of it.
I've never been anywhere tropical outside of this country.  I've never even been out of the country, much less on a cruise.  I'm so excited I could just...pee.
I'll be flying down to Miami on February 27th and we set sail March 1st.  I can't believe that one of my dreams has become a reality.

Don't Try To Do Your Christmas Shopping With A Major Hangover

A few weeks ago my girl friend and I decided to plan a weekend at the beach in order to do our Christmas shopping, and Rehoboth has more outlet stores than I can wrap my head around.  It just so happened that the weekend we chose was when the season-closing parties for The Rusty Rudder and The Starboard were going on.  Perfect!

Needless to say, Christmas shopping when you're hungover as hell is quite a nightmare.  Somehow Friday night, my friend and I ended up wasted at the Rudder.  Damn those shots.  And I got a phone call from my uncle around 10:30 Saturday morning - "Okay, I should be getting down there around 6:00.  I want you two to be at one hundred percent so that I can take you down peg by peg."  The scary thing was that I knew he wasn't joking.  

When we walked into Banana Republic a short time later, the look we exchanged with each other said it all - "This is going to suck."

Meeting back in line at the registers, she said to me, "Someone bumped into me at the rack and I nearly flipped out.  I need food.  And a beer."  It wasn't even noon.

We rallied ourselves and managed to get most of our shopping done with a lunch break at Applebee's somewhere in between.  Even though I still have a few people left to buy for, I'm very proud of myself for getting almost all of it done and sticking (within reason) to my budget.

Once we called it quits we focused on resting up for the evening.  A power nap and a shower, along with a couple slices of pizza, helped speed that process along.  Then it was time for the last hurrah of the season in Dewey Beach - the closing party at The Starboard.  Shots of Fireball whiskey before we head out?  Anyone?
I'll try not to beat a dead horse here.  You all know how much I love Dewey and what I do when I'm down there.  We partied like rock stars.  We drank our faces off and had a great time doing it.  I didn't have to worry about anyone catching me on a walk of shame the next morning - the only perk of it being early November.
So I know I said this when I posted about Labor Day Weekend, but now I can truly say that the season has come to a close, and now it's time to hunker down and pray for spring time.  Specifically, St. Patty's Day and the Starboard opening.

Jenny and I enjoying our last Grapefruit Crush of the season.

Holy Shit We're In the Second Row

My second 311 show of the summer was at the PNC Bank Arts Center in Holmdel, New Jersey, about two hours from my house and 45 minutes from one of my best friends who lives in Clifton.  Since VIP packages were not offered for the Philly show, I went scored them for this one and paid out my ass for Platinum VIP tickets for her and I.  Included was a meet & greet, pictures, front row seating and merchandise.
It was the day before my 29th birthday, so I considered this show a continuation of my birthday celebrations.

Jenny and I in the parking lot.

I got to Jenny's early in the afternoon and we headed down to the pavilion to get in some tailgating before the show.  (I was surprised to learn that Jenny really isn't into tailgating, but the both of us had a lot on our minds at the time so it wasn't a big deal.)  It was also one of the hottest days of the year, and I was so paranoid about giving sweaty hugs to all of the band members.

I kept getting more and more nervous as it came time for us to meet the band.  This was the first time I was coming face to face with the people who create the music that has been the soundtrack to my life for over ten years.  I was afraid I would start gushing and not be able to control it, I was afraid of making a fool of myself, even a little concerned that I might throw up.

"Holy shit I can't believe we're about to meet this band!"
"I know, right?"
"I think I'm going to puke."
Jenny looks at me incredulously.
"No, you're not.  But there is a trash can over there."

Tim Mahoney signing Jenny's poster.

The entire time we're in line I'm reminding myself to breathe.  And I'm sweating.  Like a whore in church.  We're all sweating.  I could feel it dripping down my back and between my boobs.  Nice, I'm going to meet 311 and drops of my sweat will be smearing the sharpie ink as they sign my poster.

I had managed to collect myself enough to not act like a fool once I got up to the table.  Surprisingly, it didn't all pass by in one big blur.  I walked up to the table, put my poster down, and just grinned at Tim Mahoney.  He grinned back, but I couldn't find my voice.  How do you tell someone who has no idea you even exist that you adore them without sounding like a weirdo?  Luckily he broke the silence that was about to become awkward.
"Hey!  I'm Tim!"
He holds out his hand and I take it, shaking hands with my second rock legend in less than a week.
"I...I know who you are!  I...I'm Dana!"
As he signed my poster, I thanked him for all he does as a musician and that the band's music has been such a huge part of my life.  He looked up and saw how overcome with emotion I was, then promptly stood up and gave me a huge hug.

Nick, Chad, SA and Pnut.

Nick Hexum was sitting next to Tim, and I told him the same thing, that I can't believe I got the opportunity to stand there and tell the band I love how much their music means to me.
"You guys are what make it possible for us."
Chad Sexton was sitting next to Nick, and I went through the same spiel, thanking him for doing what he does, and grinning like a fool while he signed my poster.
"Your friend said you're going to throw up.  Please don't."
"I think I'll be okay, I've made it this far."
"Ok, good."
By the time I got to SA I was on the verge of squealing like a fangirl.  My face hurt from grinning so much.  I did manage to tell him that my brother and I see them in Philly every summer to celebrate our birthdays.
"That's so cool, when is your birthday?"
"It's...um...Oh my God!  It's tomorrow!"
Yes, I had actually forgotten that my birthday was the next day.  The guys all wished me a happy birthday and SA wrote it on my poster.
I turned to Pnut and he gave me a big, goofy grin.  We shook hands and as he added his signature to my poster I gushed on, again, thanking him for all the band does, the music, the shows, the all-around positivity that they promote.  That's when I started getting emotional and could feel tears welling up in my eyes.  I actually just stopped talking mid sentence, Pnut abruptly stood up and gave me a huge hug.

We then took our places in line again to have our pictures taken with the band.  Since Jenny and I were the second to last for the signing, we were second in line for pictures.  Much to my delight, Tim latched onto me as soon as we walked over.  (I have a special place in my heart for that man.)

Nick, Jenny, Chad, SA, me, Pnut and Tim.

What I call the blooper photo.

As you can tell, I was in Heaven.  I mean, all you can see is my teeth.  It was by far one of the best nights of my life.

Please Don't Ask My Brother If He Wants To See Pictures of Me - 311 at Festival Pier

I never got around to recapping my 311 experiences this summer, so I'll start with the show at Festival Pier on Penns Landing in Philadelphia on July 27, 2012.  This was the annual birthday celebration for my brother and I, of course.  My friend T was able to join us and the three of us had a blast.  It made me happy to see the both of them, stressed over work and family life, be able to let loose and genuinely enjoy themselves, even if only for a few hours.
We drove up to Philly in my car, my brother in the passenger seat and T in the back, drinking his Captain and diet Coke.  I was nervous about Hamilton meeting T; I'm always nervous having my brother meet a guy I'm either seeing, sleeping with (whether he's aware or not...but he's not stupid,) or even just friends with.  I've been over how protective Hamilton is, not to mention the fact that T is significantly older than I.  I had a feeling they'd hit it off and I was right.  They talked shop the entire drive up, I couldn't get a word in edgewise and once the benevolent ball-busting started, I relaxed.

We tailgated for a bit in the parking lot next to Dave & Buster's and my excitement over getting ready to see my favorite band for the umpteenth time kept growing, along with the urge to pee.  I was getting drunk and my pride was disappearing so I finally opened the back driver's side door and T, God love him, stood in the gap between it and the car next to us while I relieved myself for what seemed like an hour.
"Can you stop staring at me?  You've seen it before."
"Yeah, but not in a public parking lot overlooking the river with your brother standing twenty feet away."
"Well have him make sure no one comes back here...holy shit, I can't stop peeing...hey, um, you might want to move your foot."
"Are you done yet?"
"No!  It won't stop!"
He's laughing his ass off, and I am too.  High class trash is what we call it baby, high class trash.  Needless to say, I didn't have to go to the bathroom for the rest of the evening, anything liquid I consumed I sweat out almost immediately.

The show itself was fucking awesome, what can I say?  I love 311 with all my heart, one of the main reasons being that they put all of their heart into their music and their shows.  Hammie even hoisted me on his shoulders for a few minutes so I could get some good shots while T held my purse.

It was a hot night, the setlist was mind-blowing.  "Watching you dance and having the time of your life..."  And dance I did, with either my brother or T twirling me around the whole time.  When it was over I felt that familiar sense of satisfaction and joy that I get after every 311 show.  The three of us ended up back at a private club, played some pool, had a few beers then eventually called it a night.  And my satisfaction never stopped coming.  ;-)  

...and this is where my shirt ended up.

Dewey Beach - A Way of Life

Ok so my weekend in Dewey Beach?  Awesome.  I don't get to go down there as often in the summer as I used to, so when I am there I make the most of it.  And damn do I.  My girl friend summed it nicely the other night - "I'm surprised the town is still standing."

A brief overview of Dewey Beach - it's a small town that's about a mile long, on one side is the Atlantic, on the other is the bay.  Route 1 runs through this stretch of land and along it are more bars and restaurants than I can remember off the top of my head.  In my experience, the beauty of it all is that everything is in walking distance.  It's also a landmark party town.  (Which of course, makes it my favorite.)  Unfortunately, it has gotten a bad rap over the past couple of years.  The politicians seem to want to squash the camaraderie that Dewey stands for.

My family has been renting/owning beach houses in Dewey for most of my life.  I have nothing but amazing memories of this town, with plenty more to make in the summers to come.  Is it all about drinking?  Pretty much.  Did my liver need a break when I left on Monday morning?  Pretty much.  Let's see how much I can remember of my Dewey Weekend 2012.

Thursday night was a shit show at the Rusty Rudder with my uncle, some of his friends from Pittsburg and a few Weekend Warriors - people who either live down there or rent houses for the entire summer.  I got there around 10:30, and proceeded to slam Bud Light draft, (which yes, I regretted the next morning.)  Next thing I know, I'm covered in glowsticks and on stage with Love Seed Mama Jump.

Friday night I checked out the new club, Ivy, which is a change from the typical beach bar style that rules Dewey.  I liked it, but I can go anywhere and here a DJ play house music.  My uncle, his friend and I, had a few drinks then headed over to Bottle & Cork, the greatest little rock & roll bar in the world, where there was a Michael Jackson tribute band playing.  We ran into more Weekend Warriors, so I took off with them, we went across the street to Woody's for a shot, then over to the Starboard for last call.  My uncle & I hit Mama Maria's for a slice of pizza to soak up some of the alcohol.  Pizza is probably the best drunk food, in my opinion.

This is me, super excited while the siren is blaring.

Saturday my girl friend came down and we headed over to the Bottle & Cork for Jam Session, the infamous happy hour that can either kill you or make you stronger.  The siren blares throughout town at precisely 5 pm, letting everyone know that "United we stand, united we jam."

My view from the wall.

We stayed until about 7, running into old friends and meeting new people, jamming to the bands, and drinking.  All while standing on the wall, my favorite spot because you can see everything and it's less crowded than the floor.






  Saturday night my cousin, my girl friend, my aunt & I all went out on the town starting with the Lighthouse and ending with the Starboard, as usual.  We also scored a bunch of free stuff at Nalu.

My girls and our awesome free stuff.

  We spent all day Sunday on the beach, after eating delicious roast beef sandwiches from the Dewey Bull to soak up any residual alcohol left in our systems.  It was decided to do Sunday Funday at Northbeach, an outside bar located right on the Rehoboth Bay and home of the yummy, refreshing and slushy drink, the Dewey Devil.  (They will knock you on your ass if you're not careful!)  I happened to run into a special friend of mine there who had just gotten down with his friends, which triggered my extra night's stay in Dewey.  I met up with them at Hammerhead's later that night, we scooted over to the Starboard for a Grapefruit Crush, then back again for last call.  Monday morning I was deposited back at my family's beach house, then sadly departed for home, smelling like booze, sweat, sex (maybe?  I won't tell.) and a damn good weekend in Dewey Beach.

My aunt & I enjoying Sunday Funday action.

How Much Do I Love My Girls? Let Me Count the Ways

In the subway after a show at the Highline Ballroom

This girl is amazing, my road dawg from college

We can never keep our tongues in our mouths

It's a family affair

That's What I'm Saying...

The Land of Fuck by Erica Jong

The land of fuck
is not for sale.

Caught between
the muslin curtains
of the nursery
and the red damask
of the whorehouse,
the gambling den,
the mafia chieftans'
restaurant
(in whose backroom the big men
with big bellies,
big guns,
and little dicks
gamble lives
away
on a flipped card
or a throw
of bones)-

The land of fuck
is not for sale.

You can steal it
if you dare.

In a dream
you can ascend
to the special room
above the shadowy El
where, amid the rattling trains
carrying bug-eyed
exhibitionists
and drooling
adolescent boys
with perpeptual
hard-ons,
the students of Fuck
go to spill their lives away
and the semen pools
under their luminous chairs.

The Land of Fuck
is not for sale
anymore than
the sea is,
and it smells the same.

Ocean wreckage
at low tide: salt and rot
and sea meat left in the sun
too long,
sweet slime
between epochs of bone
and dust.
The Land of Fuck
is not for sale -
which does not mean
it has no price.

The tax
is tranquility, calm,
and the stillness of life.

The Land of Fuck
has a price.