So my best friend of twenty years, Andrea, and I are going though some major relationship bullshit. You know how I now it's major? We're not really that young anymore. Her and I both have run the gauntlet. (Maybe her a little more than I; she's got a beautiful five year old daughter that I absolutely adore.) Regardless, we've seen each other through some cruddy times when it comes the end of our relationships with men.
I remember consoling each other after middle and high school breakups, and I sometimes wish we could go back to those simpler times. In college, life (and relationships) got a little more intense for both of us, and I remember when she broke up with her high school sweetheart. It was like the end of the world, and I was almost as devastated as she was. I remember thinking "If they didn't make it, is there hope for any of us?" How foolish I was.
When I was about 18, the shit hit the fan with the guy I had fallen for, the one I crushed on my entire senior year of high school. I had a mental breakdown in our friend Dara's parents' kitchen, and Andrea was right there counseling me and doing what best friends do. Granted, the guy overcame whatever obstacles he had been facing at the time and we ended up together for five years.
Fast forward to our mid-twenties - Andrea was getting married as I was breaking up with the guy I thought I wanted to marry. She and another close friend of ours were right there by my side as I endured the aftermath of the nastiest breakup of my life.
Fast forward another three years or so and I was floating along, single as hell, her marriage hit the rocks and never recovered. So there we were, coping with
divorce before we were even out of our twenties. (And when I say "we," I mean it. Their divorce affected me almost as much as if it had been my own, because that's just how her and I roll.) So what the fuck? That's not how it's supposed to work! I had always admired the faith and the hope that Andrea invested in Love, so to see her in that kind of pain was unbearable, not to mention having to deal with the process of figuring out custody and new living arrangements. Life was not supposed to take that turn. My dearest friend was not supposed to have go through something like that.
Not long after the shock of that life changing event had subsided, the relationship I had with Buzzard blew up in my face. I can't decide if that was more difficult to cope with than when I had broken up with my ex, but it sure as hell sucked. And who was right there to get me back on my feet? Andrea.
Fast forward to the present - The morning after Philip broke up with me, I met her and her daughter at breakfast, not taking my sunglasses off because of how swollen my eyes were, weeping the entire time into my napkin. Just recently I got a text from her - things had come to blows with the guy she was seeing and the relationship has come to a halt, only to be revived if he makes some major changes that should have been taken care of a long time ago. At thirty years old, Andrea and I are both trying to pick up the pieces of our hearts that have been shattered by the end of yet another relationship.
The bottom line is that love doesn't get easier as we get older. It just gets harder and harder. We are doing our best to continue on with our lives, Andrea devoting everything she's got to her daughter and her job, I'm devoting all I've got to my nephew and my writing. But the pain is still there and we are sharing it as if we were one person.
We have hit the realization that we aren't in middle school anymore. We are having meaningful relationships that ultimately we want to last forever, but fate keeps throwing wrenches in that plan. It's not like we have awful taste in men either (well, I used to but have gotten a lot better at judging character.) It isn't until "shit gets real" that we discover our partners' true colors. Our concerns about "should I text him or should I not," "the anxiety I'm experiencing is killing me," "what did he mean when he said that," "I'm over analyzing this but I cannot control myself" are not comparable to what goes through a girl's head when she's still a teenager. Outsiders looking in may think we are crazy, but we know we're not. We're just going through the shit life throws at us, together.
I thank God for Andrea every day. She'll send me positive quotes at random and I send her funny ones back. We make each other laugh, we cry on each other's shoulders, we tell each other everything will work out, everything will be okay. We remind each other to keep on truckin' on the days we just can't get it together.
Is it fair? No. Is it life? Absolutely. We may not have quite figured it all out yet, but we can accept that we probably never will. If we ever do though, watch out because we will take over the world.
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