Just Love Yourself, Dammit - If I Can Do It, So Can You

So of course I take part in social media like everyone else on the planet.  My personal favorite is Twitter, but of course I have Facebook and Tumblr accounts as well.
Since my breakup I've backed off from cruising my various timelines, mostly Facebook, for a couple of reasons.  One is I don't feel like seeing random people's happiness splayed all over the internet - unless it's a dear, dear friend or family member.
The other reason I've backed off is that I have become painfully aware all of these memes and quotes and blog posts, etc, that either pertain to my situation or make me think of him - they cross my line of sight, I read them, and it hurts.  It really, really hurts.  It takes all the willpower I've got to not forward them along to him.
One thing that is getting under my skin lately is all of the "I-may-be-difficult-but-I'm-worth-it" type quotes that are plastered everywhere.  Why?  Because it shouldn't have to be like that, and most of the time, it isn't.  I used to think that of myself, but then I learned it simply isn't true.  I am not a difficult person.  My friends and everyone else that I love, the ex included, are not difficult people.  But it doesn't make them worth my time any less.  Yes, I love them all in spite of their idiosyncrasies and whatnot, but those things do not make them "difficult" or "weird" or "crazy."  It disheartens me to think that we've become the "I-deserve-to-be-loved-even-though" generation.  It should not be that way.  We all deserved to be loved, plain and simple.
Maybe the mindset should be changed to "I-deserve-to-be-loved-BECAUSE-I-am-difficult."  Or better yet, "I-am-NOT-difficult-and-am-STILL-worth-it."
Another thought that saddens me is that the people who truly feel this way, who feel that they are not easy to get along with or have so many internal issues that it makes them hard to accept being loved, have obviously had someone in their past, or even present, that caused them to feel this way.  Why do we do this to each other?

It's heartbreaking to know people think this way.

What if we were to all walk around with healthy amounts of self esteem?  What if we all believed we are worth someone's time and someone's love?  Wouldn't things be a lot different?  I know that I wouldn't want to be with a person who felt so awful about themselves.  The best I could give them would be the love and support of a good friend.  

I have all the reason in the world to think I don't deserve to be loved.  I have all the reason in the world right now to believe that I am difficult, I am strange, I am neurotic and downright unlovable.  But you know what?  I don't believe those things.  Because I believe something that trumps all of those things - 

I am an amazing person.

I am beautiful, inside and out.

I am lovable.

I am downright fantastic and fuck you if you can't see that.

Trying Hard To Stay Positive & Love My Life

Since one of my recent posts focused solely on negativity and the demise of the human race, I feel the need to write one with a positive vibe.
We all know that it has become hard to see the good in the world, but I usually don't have to look any further than within the circle of my family.  I realize how fortunate I am to be a part of it.  If I'm having a bad day all I have to do is look at my nephew and I'm reminded that good does exist in this world.  I mean, is there anything better than coming home from work to have a dance party in the kitchen with your brother and 3-year-old nephew after a rough day?
It's funny how it usually only takes something small in order to make me smile.  The other day I was very agitated because of work, and had to stop at the grocery store on my way home, which I didn't feel like doing after driving down three quarters of the New Jersey turnpike and then dealing with the tension and misery in the company office.  I ran into the store, grabbed the loaf of bread I needed for dinner and got in line at the self checkout lane.  As I'm standing there, trying not to look annoyed with the people in front of me, a gentleman said, "Excuse me miss, there's a lane open over here," and let me go in front of him.  I smiled and thanked him, and as I walked out the door, the kid who runs the carts told me to have a good evening.  I said the same to him with a smile.  It made me feel nice.  Some other things that restore my hope in humanity, or brighten up my day when I think about them -

• Occasionally someone lets me merge in front of them when I'm exiting 95 into the construction mess on 141.  I always make it a point to roll down my window and wave a thank you to them.
• Occasionally someone lets me in front of them when I have a jackass tailgating me on the highway.  I wave to them as well and return the favor when said jackass is then tailgating the person who was in front of me.
• On one of my jobs the other day, the principal of the school my coworker and I were at came down to the library to introduce himself and welcome us, even offering us coffee from his own personal stash.  The lady who was overseeing the shoot bought us lunch.  Such niceties are rare in my field, and my coworker and I were so appreciative.
• While getting gas at the Woodrow Wilson rest stop on the Jersey turnpike one day, as the attendant handed me my receipt and card back he said, "I hope the red jolly fat man brings you everything you ask for this year!"  I laughed and said, "Same to you!" with a big smile on my face.
• On the drive home from The Smashing Pumpkins concert, my brother and I laughed so hard the entire time that my chest and abs hurt for two days.  It's good to know that even though times are tough for the both of us, we can still act like kids, have fun, and laugh until we cry.
• Last weekend my house was filled with friends and family during the annual Evans Family Christmas Party.  The majority of guests have been a big part of my life since the day I was born.  They have been by my family's side for all of the good times and held our hands while we coped with tragedy, and to celebrate the holidays with them is a blessing I am so grateful to have.
• Little things like having someone get a whiff of my perfume and comment on how nice it smells, or when a rockstar tells me he wants to take me home to New York with him (you know, those little ego  boosters that we all like to hear every once in a while.)

These days we can't switch on the news without hearing of tragedy throughout the world.  It's depressing, it's heart-wrenching and seems to be never ending.  That's why I make it a point to take a break from social media and networking every once in a while and focus my attention on the things that are invaluable - the love I have for my nephew, my family and my friends and the time I get to spend with them.  Those things cannot be bought, but they can still be taken away from me in the blink of an eye, so I know never to take them for granted.

Why I Shouldn't Log Into Facebook During Election Time

I personally think Facebook is overrated and overused.  But I've been sucked into the world of social networking just like the rest of you.  I usually log in while I'm drinking my morning coffee and do a quick scroll to see whose birthday it is and to catch any important updates.  Note that I said the word "important." I don't care what your plans are for the day unless they include me.  And I don't work with even 1/8th of you.
I haven't seen too many status updates pertaining to the upcoming presidential elections aside from the torrent of nonsense put out every time there was a debate, but the ones I do see have me second-guess "friendships" I have with those who post about it.  I've decided who I am going to vote for, but it's my business and no one else's.  The only people I've discussed it with are my mother and one of my closest friends.  If you want to know, you can ask me.  I don't need to announce it to all of my friends, anyone I meet, or the Facebook nation, and I'm not going to.  I think we can all agree that this year's election is personal.  For me it all boils down to the social issues plaguing our nation - Medicare, home interest mortgage deductions, immigration, equal pay and funding for Planned Parenthood.
The other morning I read a well written status by a guy I used to go to school with -
"I have finally 100% made up my mind who I am going to vote for for President of the United States. I have spent the past year watching tons of Republican Primary Debates, both conventions, all three Presidential debates, and the Vice Presidential debate. I have taken care to get my news from a variety of sources- talk radio, Fox News, Cnn- the whole political gambit. And I have a million reasons for my decision I'd be happy to discuss with any of you. I endorse President Barak Obama."  (This was quoted with permission.)
As you can see, he didn't attack either candidate or ramble on about why he is choosing to vote for President Obama.  He did what I believe most people on my timeline don't - took the time to get his information from both sides of the spectrum and based his decision on who he thinks is the best person for the job.  Whether it's right or wrong is no one else's call to make, and whether or not I agree with him is irrelevant.  (I do, by the way.)  But my favorite part of this status update is "...I have a million reasons for my decision I'd be happy to discuss with any of you."  Note he didn't feel the need to clog his friends' timeline with his reasons.
I was tempted to respond to a post someone made bashing the President and expressing support of the Republican candidate, but I figured my opinion was better left unsaid.  The person has every right to voice their opinion, but the way it was done and their choice of words is what made me shake my head.  I wanted to respond with something along the lines of - "If he does get elected, I hope you are blessed with a daughter shortly there after...then you might rethink how you feel," but I held my tongue.  I don't have the time or energy getting into "Facebook wars."  I save my comments for nice pictures, celebratory statuses and birthdays.
This is all relevant to a previous post I made, No, You Cannot Come Into the Voting Booth With Me.  I could go on and on about the dumb shit I see posted on Facebook every day.  Why do I keep logging onto it you might ask?  Because sometimes the dirty laundry people air for all the world to see makes me feel better about my own life.

No One Needs A Sprinkle of Pretentiousness In Their Morning Coffee

I'm sitting here nursing a hangover with sea salt and olive oil crackers and a can of Coke, wasting the morning away scrolling through Tumblr.  I kind of wish I had never discovered it.  Things I see and read are insane.  If there's a social blogging forum that wins the award for pretentiousness, Tumblr is it.  Mine has mostly become a place for me to post my own stuff, music I like, fashion I'm into, makeup tips or Instagram shots.  I rarely re-blog anything anymore because I never come across anything worthy of putting on my own Tumblr.  (Haha, who's pretentious now?)  But this also goes for real life too.  I'm sick of the media, social networking and/or people in general telling me how I should eat, dress, vote, decisions I make regarding my body or what I should or shouldn't do about my faith.  If you can present opinions to me in a calm, peaceful manner, of course I'll listen, but it seems people have lost track of how to do that.  Please fact-check what you read before you accept it as truth, no matter how much it coincides with your own personal views or how good it may sound.  I'm capable of gathering my own research in order to make an informed decision.  But for right now, let me just exercise my freedom of speech.  I understand I'm not the only one entitled to that, but damn, there's no need to be belligerent about your opinions.  I always thought I was a pretty judgmental person until I heard second-hand that one thing my sister in law loves about me is that I don't judge people.  I sat back and chewed on that for a bit, and determined, "You know what?  I think that's true.  Never once has someone confided in me and my response been judgmental."  When my friends come to me with dilemmas or confessions of any nature, I don't attack or berate them, I listen to the situation at hand and if they're asking for advice, I'll say my piece and do my best to help them either solve their problem in the most logical way possible, whether I personally agree or not, or just be a listening ear.  My famous line is "Who am I to judge?  Chances are I've said or done it, twice."  I look for the positives and point out the negatives in a constructive way.  You can ask them.  This is one of the reasons the pretentiousness of society makes me utterly sick.

I'm splitting this post into smaller, more digestible pieces because it became one long soap box opera and I do try to keep anyone bored enough to read my blog in mind.  I love you all.  So please read on to see if you have some common ground with me.  You may be surprised.