Uncontrollable falsities
smoke and mirrors
They are all so busy
putting on their magic shows
lying to everyone
but above all lying to
themselves
Eventually there will be
nothing left to believe in
And they will wonder
where it all went wrong
They build falsities around
everything they love
And mutilate their truths
with lies that drip saccharine
But when the shutter clicks
those truths are caught
frozen in time
Because their eyes can't lie
The shutter clicks and
reveals that everything
is one big magic show
Their lives are outlined with
pictures of how the way
things are supposed to look
Sadly most of us are too dumb
to see through the fake-ness
Or just don't have the
energy to even care
Those of us that get
sucked into their giant
black tar pits of truths
are merely shadows in the
background of their nauseating
personas created for
all the world to see
Photo
via 14.media.tumblr.com: "
"
Everything about this photo is right. The positioning of her hands, the angle of her legs, the directions in which her toes are pointing, the stark black and white contrast. I love it all.
"
Everything about this photo is right. The positioning of her hands, the angle of her legs, the directions in which her toes are pointing, the stark black and white contrast. I love it all.
Indecisive
I can't make up my fucking mind. I get so lonely, yet the thought of committing myself wholly to someone scares the fuck out of me. I mull it over in my head to the point where I get sick of it - does my male counterpart even exist? What the hell do I even want?One side of my brain wants to remain alone. Because when I'm alone, I have the freedom to do as I please. But isn't that selfish? Well, the other side of my brain wants that someone to wake up next to in the morning. That someone to be absolutely insane with. To say fuck it, jump in the car with and head for the West Coast. The other side of my brain wants there to actually be a man somewhere out there whose child I would bear. In my mind, this child would be a perfect combination of two perfect insanities.
But I'm fooling myself. Yes, I love those mornings when I wake up and HB is lying next to me. But the bottom line is that he is no fucking good for me, even though when I'm in his arms I feel like everything will be okay.
He has yet to verbalize his wanting for me to be his girl. I explained to him that until he does so, he has no right to judge me. (He really doesn't have the right to even when and if I say yes.) So did I fuck up something that is potentially good, a new rollercoaster ride of love, emotions, sex, laughter and tears, because the other night some guy shoved his tongue in my mouth before I knew what was happening and HB saw it? Did I fuck up because I was drunk, it was Mardi Gras, and everything that happened was all in good fun? I don't fucking know the answer to these questions.
What scares me that when faced the potential of a new relationship, I freak out. A new relationship means giving up Buzzard. And I know in my heart it will take a hell of a man for me to do that. Is HB worth it? He tells me he's fucked up. Welcome to the club, baby, you think I'm not fucked up too? We can just be fucked up together, might make life a little more bearable.
I guess I can just dwell on it until I hear the words come out of his mouth. I can give him his space. Let him decide what he wants. I did tell him that if he wants me to back off then he better tell me. He told me it wasn't like that. But I'm not going to push the issue, even though I want so bad to get into his head and find out what it is that makes him tick. Even though I want to lay next to him and get lost in his baby blue eyes.
One day at a time, right?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
