So my bouts with the depression have subsided significantly over the past few months. I don't really know what snapped me out of my funk; all I know is that I was really bad off for a while there and caused alot of people I care about to worry relentlessly.
I decided on my own (well, technically my health insurance company decided for me when my coverage was terminated due to me not paying the monthly premium,) to ween myself off of the medication I was taking daily to keep me...normal. Bad idea. Very, VERY bad idea. I was taking 300 mg of Effexor XR once a day, and Effexor is not an anti-depressant you can just stop taking. If I ever forgot to take it just once, the withdrawal symptoms kicked in almost immediately. I got the shakes, cottonmouth, and my brain felt like it was rattling around in my skull. Literally. I felt the damn thing vibrate.
So I started out gradually. I would take 2 of the dark red capsules every other day. And since 30 days worth would have cost me over $300 without insurance, I'd have the pharmacy just fill me ten at a time. Once the symptoms became managable, I went to taking only 150 mg every other day. Then I'd spread the days out as far as I could. It was a fucking nightmare. I was going through full-blown withdrawal and felt like I was stuck in hell. I couldn't afford to go to the doctor to get off the meds the proper, and safer, way, so I had to do what I had to do right?
I have enough background in pharmacology to know that I wasn't going to be able just stop taking the 150 mg pills. Ideally I would have gone from 300, down to 150, down to 75, and then down to 37.5 if need be. But again, I couldn't afford to sit in the doctor's office just to have him write me a script for a lower dosage. So I just dosed myself.
One day a friend and I just happened to be discussing depression and anxiety and comparing the meds we've taken over the years. Turns out, her doctor had her on the Effexor as well, but it didn't do the trick for her. She still had two bottles of it leftover, one of 75s and one of 37.5s. She got them to me as quickly as she could.
Once I started taking the 75s, I felt so much better physically. Surprisingly, my mental health did not suffer as much as one would think it should have during this time. I wasn't taking the 75s very long when I realized I had stopped taking them altogether. And my head didn't feel like it was about to fall off of my shoulders.
Today I am chemical free, aside from popping a few Prevacids on occassion because my stomach likes to tell me to fuck off, and honestly? I like to drink, alot. And I like spicy food. So that doesn't count.
Although I really should start thinking about going back on the Pill....
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