It's not that she's asking for money. She's not asking to have the mortgage company just forgive the entire balance due, on the second mortgage my father went ahead and put on the house under my mother's name without her consent. She wants to pay it because she wants to stay in her home. All she wants is to be able to write the fucking mortgage check every month without losing sleep at night.
This woman has been through it all. I used to have a lot of faith, but not so much anymore. I don't go to church anymore, and it's not that I don't believe in God or am bitter or anything, but if there's any example of demonstrating faith through hard times, it's my mother. She doesn't give up. She hasn't given up, and she won't. There's those sayings that the meek shall inherit the earth, and that those who have suffered nothing but trials and tribulations on this earth, yet manage to stay strong in their faith, will redeem their reward in Heaven. If that's the case Mama will have her own posse of angels waiting on her hand and foot when she gets there.
Her first marriage ended because of alcoholism. Then my father came along and things were good for a while. Then his alcoholism reared its head, along with his infidelity towards her with countless other women, among them her best friend. So she was not only betrayed by her husband, but her best girl friend as well.
She's fought so many physical ailments over the years, but to look at her you'd never know. You never hear her complain. I have to yell at her when I catch her lugging some heavy-ass box up from the basement or I come home and she's cutting the fucking grass. (Well, that's my job, so I'd yell at her anyway.)
She lost both of her parents before she was 50 years old. She's got no one to lean on, because everyone leans on her. When I bitch and moan about the fact that I still live at home, I stop myself mid-rant because right now, Ma and I need each other. I don't think I'd leave even if I could afford to. No matter how much shit I alone have put her through, (and trust me, it's been alot,) she will never disown me. I jest that I will hand over my firstborn to her one day, but I'm kind of serious.
The other day I was going over some paperwork that my bank sent me concering life insurance. It's not a bad idea to get some, no? So I was talking to Ma about it, trying to decide how much to get, because if I got $300,000 worth, and I kick the bucket tomorrow, she can take the check to the bank and tell the mortgage brokers to fuck off. But she looked at me and said, "If you go tomorrow they better dig a second hole right next to you to put me in."
I cried a little.
![]() |
Mama with her grandson, Nicholas, August 2010 |
No comments:
Post a Comment