I've come to realize that I've been conditioned to think that all men are whores. Nothing but big, fucking sluts. I don't know why or how this happened, but I cannot help it. I do not like that I think this way, because I always end up refusing to give any man the benefit of the doubt.
It's not necessarily in a bad way, though. Because I'm a whore. A big, fucking slut. Is that why I expect my lovers to be the same? When my drugstore cowboy tells me that he hasn't had sex since the last time we hooked up, do I believe him? I don't really know. (Actually I do kind of believe him because he's relatively shy; the only reason we ever made contact in the first place was because as soon as he walked into my bar I went right up to him and worked my charm as best and as hard as I could. That was about a year ago, and we're still going at it, so I think I did a pretty good job.) The other day P told me the last time he had sex was with me. That was almost two months ago. And he has a girlfriend.
When these boys of mine tell me this stuff I keep my mouth shut. In my head I'm thinking, Really? -This one- fucked my brains out last night. Or -this one- and I fucked for like, four hours the other day. But all I do is say, "No way," giggling, and proceed to do what I do best, and that is go down.
I assume this is the reason I'm single. I'm not complaining though. My last attempt at a relationship failed miserably, bringing me to the conclusion that right now, at this point in my life, every member of the opposite sex, with the exception of my two best guy friends, are only good for what's hanging between their legs. Or, better yet, how good they can make me feel between mine.
Am I wrong? Am I deranged for having this line of thinking? Really, please tell me, does this make me a heartless bitch that uses and abuses men just to get her rocks off?
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