Perseverance Pays Off

Well kids, it's official - I start my new job on March 11th!  I got the call Monday night as I was booking my hotel room in Miami Beach and surrounded by family.
It's a big girl job with benefits, a 401k and paid time off.  Never in my life have I enjoyed these kinds of enmities from a job.  My health insurance comes out of my own pocket, I have no retirement fund, and any time off I've needed has come with a price - or no price as in a smaller paycheck.  My entire adult life has been spent working as an independently contracted photographer or as a waitress or for my father at his business or working part time jobs while going to school.

I will still be struggling financially for the next few months but at this point I'm used to it.  And it's a small price to pay considering that I will now be receiving a steady paycheck instead of worrying about how much I'm getting paid this week or that or whether or not I need to file my unemployment claim.  I finally see light at the end of the tunnel and nothing is going to stop me from making my way towards it.

Turns Out This Month I'll Be Okay

I got two separate paychecks last week and was able to pay my bills, right before my cell phone was about to get shut off.  Yeah, yeah, I need to budget my money better.  I thought I had been, but as one of my dear friends said to me, "Holes can appear when you least expect it, and you'll get yourself out, I know you will."  And I did without having to ask anyone for help, thank God.  It was amazing how quickly my depression and anxiety lifted the second I signed on to my bank account and saw the deposits that had been made, one of which was much larger than I had anticipated.
So my plan is to do what every financial adviser tells us - make sure I have at least three months worth of bill payments stashed away, and if I'm really committed, four months with enough in my savings left over to have a comfortable little nest egg.  It sounds simple, but if it was, I wouldn't have been in the position I was two weeks ago.  So let's just take that as another wake-up call.  Then next summer, I can lay around the pool, not work, not worry about collecting unemployment, not worry about my bills being paid, and use the paychecks I do get for the sporadic work I do in the summer to go party down in Dewey Beach.
Sounds like a plan to me.

Hoping To Make It This Month

Luckily last Thursday morning I had an appointment with my therapist.  She's wonderful and is really helping me learn to value and respect myself, and being as that I was feeling so low due to my financial situation, I was grateful for having the appointment when I did.  She reassured me that I will turn it around, and that I'm not in as bad a place as I was two years ago.  I realized that I need to buckle down and get a second job; just work my ass off over the next year to be sure that this truly never happens again.  I hate living like this, but I love my job and can't imagine leaving it.  There's only one bill that I know I cannot default on, and I might have to swallow my pride and ask for help with it.
It's amazing how money can screw with a person's head.  The stress and worry that comes with not being able to pay the bills can be utterly detrimental to one's mental health.  I know it is for me.  So over the next couple of weeks I will be hustling my ass off to set it all straight again.  I just applied for a waitressing gig at a well-known restaurant that a girl friend of mine bartends at and I'm keeping my fingers crossed.  I need this.