Ode to Buzzard - If You Ever Really Loved Me

I wrote this a few months ago, and as far as an update on my tumultuous relationship with Buzzard - it is completely, 100 percent done and finished.  It is over.  He is no longer a part of my life.  Maybe one day I'll go into detail, but I'm still in the grieving process over the death of our relationship.  It was ugly, nasty and everything I didn't want it to be, but I am now able to breath, I am able to sleep, I can eat, I can laugh, I no longer have a cloud of doom hanging over my head.


I don't think you really love me.
If you truly loved me, you'd show it.
You'd fight for me instead of pushing me away.
If you truly loved me,
You wouldn't always be keeping your eye out for the next conquest.
If you truly loved me,
You'd realize that sleeping with 100 women doesn't make you a man,
that fighting for one while 99 others are chasing you is what makes you a man.
If you truly loved me, you wouldn't hurt me.
You would put aside whatever "bullshit" you're dealing with
in order to be with me.
I can no longer fight, I have become too weak.
I can't force you to make a decision.
And if you truly loved me,
you wouldn't force me to make the decision to walk away.
So I guess you don't really love me.

If you truly loved me,
you'd step up to the plate and be a fucking man,
you'd be the man I need instead of telling me that you can't be.
Instead you're throwing me away because you're scared.
So I guess you really don't love me.

I can't save you nor do I want to.
You don't need saving.
I hope a part of you dies every time you think about me.

I've told you everything, I've given you everything,
but you don't want it and you've proved that to me.
Because if you wanted it, it wouldn't be this hard.
So I guess you don't really love me.

Through all of this I still believe that love is the strongest force
that propels us as human beings.
You obviously don't feel the same way,
because if you did I wouldn't be lying on the floor
with a broken, bleeding heart
wondering how I am going to survive every fucking minute
of every awful day without you.
So I guess you don't really love me.

I took off the ring and put it away
with all of the other tokens from men who disappointed me.
Just another symbol of failure
to add to my collection.