When I'm Already Standing On the Edge, Please Don't Push Me Over (February 2012)

I've been doing okay for the past week and a half or so.  Sunday was a little shaky for no apparent reason.  Every time my mother spoke to me I felt like it was a personal attack.
"Are these your sunglasses on the table?"
"You think you could take these pans downstairs for me?"
The icing on the cake was when I reached for a mini Reeces' cup and she says, "If you're not eating dinner with us I don't think you should have any candy," after I had repeatedly told her I was meeting friends for dinner a little later on.
Now, my mother was not being condescending in any way at all.  But sometimes her tone of voice might indicate otherwise; that's just how she is, and having known her for 28 years, I'm used to it.  The problem is that when I'm in a fragile state, I can't fucking handle it, and everything she, or anyone else, says to me, can send me over the edge.  I wanted to tell her to fuck off, but instead I removed myself from the situation.  I went upstairs and calmed myself down until it was time for me to leave.  I smoked a few cigarettes and wrote in my journal.
The other day I made dinner for my mom, my brother and my nephew.  I had already been on edge by the time everyone got to the house; the only thing keeping me from breaking was the thought of seeing my nephew and hearing him ask "Where Na-Na?" in typical fashion as soon as he came through the door.  But try having your mother and brother up your ass while you're in the kitchen trying to prepare a meal when you feel like shit.  When you feel like you're going to snap.  When you're bummed out but don't know why.  Something so trivial like preparing a meal seems equivalent to climbing Mount Everest.
Then I overhear my brother call my nephew by a nickname my dad used to have for him.  My brother probably didn't even think about it after it came out of his mouth but it hit me like a ton of bricks.  Thank God they were leaving to go to the store because I went upstairs and lost it.